Is something burning?
I was sitting in dispatch a few years back with a rather anxious young officer on fto. We were on call out duty and since i didn't live in the county had to stay at this sheriff's office. At about 03:00 a 911 call came in where the male on the line stated "if the cops show up i'm killin them, and then i'm killin me." Did i mention this is the day after i found out i was getting divorced? Needless to say I and my partner went out to discuss the personal challenge from the chap. When we showed up he was holding a zippo and a bottle of lighter fluid. as we approached he began to douse his groin with the fluid. I, knowing a report and a dear sheriff letter when i see one coming at me at a hundred miles an hour tried the whole hey buddy lets talk about this routine. The guy told us if we got any closer he would light himself on fire. My partner, long on testosterone and short on prudence decided to do his best Jesse Owens impression straight at the guy. Well, the guy was good for his word. the only way i can describe the fire was it sounded like a potato gun going off, ya know, kind of a fooomp noise. We rolled around with him, tried to use my extinguisher (somebody had a fire extinguisher fight the day before, so that didn't work too well) tried to beat it out with my jacket...that just fanned the flames. To make a long story short, since you can't take burning jeans off someone who wants to remain in them, the best course of action is to stomp them out. Just try explaining the situation at the E.R.
Heads Up Call
My partner and I got called to a possible burglary last summer. The neighbor called and said that it appeared that there was someone in a vacant house. The owners were on vacation and the complainant saw what appeared to be flashlights being used on the inside of the home. It turned out to be the easiest burglary we have ever had to solve. When we arrived, there was a guy laid out in the side yard with a window air conditioning unit on his chest. He was out cold with a big gash on his head. To make a long story short, He tried to catch the window unit as his accomplice dropped it out the window. When it hit the guy we jokingly call "the coolest lawn ornament ever", it knocked him out cold. He had a concussion and was pretty embarrassed. Of course, he was only too happy to give up the dumb you know what that came up with the idea to drop it into his waiting arms
Posted 5/9/08 Law Enforcement
We were looking for a murder suspect from New York. He was supposed to be coming into South Carolina on his way to Florida. His means of travel was a greyhound bus. We had his description and booking photo from New York. We set up at the bus station with seven officers all in plain clothes. A few were going to hand out doughnuts; others were there with mops in hand. The bus arrived and we were doing our part. The guy didn't appear to have left the bus so two officers went into the bus to "clean it". No sign of the suspect. I noticed a girl that was about his height and weight and the face was a definite possibility. When he reached for a coffee, a tattoo of a rose was evident on his right wrist. It was him. I casually alerted the other officers and we decided to take him down when he went to get back on the bus. It worked well; I yelled "police" and we took him to the ground. When this occurred two other people stated running away from the bus. They were both caught and it was learned that they had warrants on them from different states too. Lesser offenses, but not a bad day for us anyway.
We thought it was funny. Another deputy and I decided to stop by overnight at a fellow deputy's house and take his car. We had a key made while the car was at the jail for the inmates to clean, wash and wax. We hid it about two blocks away in my garage. I was in charge of the shift and drove around answering a few calls and just waiting for my cell phone to go off. I knew he would call me on it as opposed to calling dispatch. I patrolled and patrolled some more. Finally, after about four hours my cell rang. It was the Sheriff. I went to the "victims" residence only now I was worried. How was the boss going to take this prank? I stopped at the house and immediately told the Sheriff what we had done in hopes that he wouldn't be mad. We drove to my house to get the car, the door on the garage was broken and the car was gone. I can say that I was crapping bricks. I saw my career fading away as the Sheriff chewed me up one side and down the other. He called a crime scene tech and ordered me to hit the road. About an hour later, he called my cell and told me to meet him at his house. I arrived to see the "stolen" car in his garage. He was standing in his driveway. When I walked up to him he said, "there are 2 things sacred to a cop, his wife and his car… don't ever do something this stupid again." He taught me a lesson. I didn't even ask him to fix my door.
Wrong address…but close!
I worked part time as a cop for a small department. I was the back up car on the 8pm-4am shift a few days a week. One night after midnight, we got a call to a south 8th street address for a domestic. A mother called in to dispatch and said that he daughter had called her and said her son in law had beat her and wouldn't let her leave. We arrived to find the house dark. A car in the drive had 4 flat tires and no one would answer the door. Looking inside, we could see that the living room was a mess. A lamp was on the floor, stuff thrown everywhere. The mother that called also said that the son in law had "tore the phone out of the wall." The window was unlocked so we decided to enter since it looked like this may be a serious problem and we wanted to check on the welfare of the girl. We walked in and identified ourselves. We went room to room and finally made it to the upstairs bedroom. There was a guy laying in bed naked and the odor of alcohol and vomit was so strong upstairs that it was enough to make you gag. We yelled at the guy and woke him. He was clearly intoxicated. We asked him where his wife was and he said that they had an argument earlier and she left after she poked holes in the tires of his car. He was very irate that we were in his house uninvited. As we were speaking to him dispatch called on the radio to advise that the address was on north 8th street with the same house number. I looked at the OIC to see how he was going to handle this. He just looked at the guy and said "hmmm…wrong address. Ok, well have a good night. You can go back to bed now." We walked to the door with an intoxicated home owner mother f'in us the whole way…complete with the threats to sue. I guess the chief must have handled it because I know the guy filed a complaint but we never heard anything more than that.
Luck Runs Out...
I am a retired game warden from central PA. The funniest thing in my career happened back in 1994. We received a deer poaching complaint from a farmer in the middle of summer. He came across a deer stand in his woods and there was bait (salt lick) in the area also. I took the report and the Captain decided to stake it out intermittently. After two weeks of that, we went with motion sensor cameras. We got nothing. The farmer complained about us not doing enough and threatened to just take the stand and keep it. We pulled the cameras and went back to assigning 1 officer to stake it out for a while. This went on for 2 months. Again… nothing. There was evidence that someone was still going to the stand but we never were there at the right time. It was decided that we end the investigation due to manpower. I worked my last night of stakeout and went to my jeep to drive home. Is stopped in for a coffee at a convenience store on way home and went up the road. As I drove, I saw a deer run out from the edge of the road and I couldn't stop. I plowed into it and killed it instantly. It damaged my car severely. No headlights, no grille and the radiator was shot. I went to look at the carcass and get what I could off of the roadway when I noticed bright spotlights coming my way from the woods that the deer came from. Here were two poachers tracking the deer that they shot. I recognized one right away, the complainant's son. He was actually the one that put the stand on his dads' property and told him about it. He knew that his father was an avid LEGAL hunter and would be furious. He also knew that we would be in the area of his house and he figured that he was safe four miles away in another field. We gave that tree stand to his dad too.
Hanging out in New Zealand
A policeman in a small New Zealand town did not let the fact that he was naked hold him back from chasing a thief trying to steal his car.
The off-duty constable was asleep at his home in Balclutha, in the lower South Island, when his wife woke him in the early hours, the New Zealand Press Association reported.
When the policeman realized the sound his wife heard was someone attempting to start the couple's car, he didn't let the fact he was stark naked hold him back, bursting out the door with nothing more than a flashlight.
The offender bolted with the officer in hot pursuit, NZPA reported, but was soon after picked up by a police patrol.
"The offender ... startled by the sight of a naked constable with just a torch coming towards him, took off," local police were quoted as saying.
Two all beef patties...
It was back in the mid 80's and I was the passenger in a police car leading the 4th of July parade. After we finished, we decided to make a "Mickey D" run for some food. We drove out to McDonald's and pulled up to order. It was before they put the menus up that are encased in glass. We placed our order and drove to the window. It was then that we noticed that the red and blues were cranking away, I reached down to turn them off. The young lady at the window just looked at us and said' "I have heard of a big Mac attack before, but you guys give it a whole new meaning!"
Dug in...in the dug out
It's one of the funniest things I have ever ran across. We had been having vandals at the local high school tearing things up just before the end of last years school session. I, along with another officer, were assigned to spend our shift just walking the grounds in the dark as it was getting to be an every night thing. We were walking the back parking lot near the football and baseball fields when we could hear moaning. It was easy to tell that it was coming from the baseball field dugout. We walked around, one on each side and sure enough, there was a couple there having a lot more fun than we were. I hit them with the flashlight and she looked over at me and said "just wait…this is too f****** good. I stood there shocked as I have never experienced that reaction before. I was speechless for a few seconds and they weren't stopping. I looked at my partner and he looked at me and we started laughing. The couple stopped and started to dress. As the female was dressing she said "thanks for ruining it, you can take me to jail if you want because if you don't, we are going to finish somewhere else." We let them go and never saw them again. As we were walking away to continue our foot patrol, all my partner could say was "what a guy, huh?"
How many times do I have to do this?
I stopped a DUI before Christmas. He was all over the road and a real danger. When I got him out of the car to do FST's he just said, "I'm drunk. Take me to get blood done." I asked him if this was his first DUI here since we draw blood only and he advised that it was his third. On the way to the hospital he said "My wife warned me if I got caught again, she was going to leave me." I ask if he thought she was serious and he replied "I hope so, the bitch won't leave any other way."
Some peoples kids
Reading about the agent at the lake reminded me of a something that happened a few years ago. We have a small lake that we have to patrol and it is a hotspot for parties and nude swimming. One night I and another officer went down towards the beach area through the woods where we could hear a lot of people and could tell that they were in the water. When we got to the beach edge, we could see that it was a bunch of young kids so we Id'ed ourselves and approached them. There were no alcohol or illegal substances on the shore so we told them that we were leaving and they needed to get dressed when we left and leave also. We went back about an hour later and all of their cars were still in the lot so we walked down again. They were all in the water still. I told my partner that we might as well just leave and I went back through the woods towards the car. My partner stayed behind for a few minutes and when he got to the car, he said that he went down to the beach and grabbed a bunch of their clothes and threw them in the woods. I just laughed and went on with the nights duties. I came in for an extra the next afternoon. I had to relieve the chief who was not a happy camper. He told me that his 16 year old daughter went to a friend's house the evening before and spilled a coke all over so she went to get a shower. While in the shower with the door unlocked, one of her friends came in and took her clothes. She arrived home wearing one of her girlfriends' clothes and claimed she had no idea who took hers. "Damn kids" said the chief. All I could say was "when will they ever grow up." He doesn't know to this day and I am not telling him.
So much for the big bust
On night I was working with a partner in a two man car. We drove to a parking area near a lake that was well off of the road and known for drug activity. When we entered the lot, we observed a lone vehicle sitting there with an older male and a younger female in it. We lit it up and radioed the plate and location in to dispatch. The car had out of state plates. I approached the driver and asked what they were doing there. The reply was "just talking". I asked for an ID and the driver said that it was in his wallet in the trunk. We went to the trunk and he opened it as I held my hand on my gun. I saw two more plates from different states in the trunk. The driver reached in, got his wallet and pulled his ID from the wallet without opening it. I asked about the two plates and he said they were from old cars that he used to own. He asked why we were there and I told him that it was a high drug traffic area. My partner agreed and stated "we even caught his grandmother dealing here." We both knew that something wasn't right and were trying to loosen the mood. I took the plates and walked away while my partner watched the two. I walked over to the other side of the lot where I was out of ear shot but could still see the area. I radioed both plates to dispatch. They responded back by asking if I was away from the subject. This usually meant bad news like an active warrant or a dangerous criminal history. I advised that I was clear and they stated "restricted". This meant a LEO plate. I walked back and my partner told me he had permission to search the car. I threw the plates in the trunk and closed it. I told them that we had another call and had to go. We jumped into the car and as we pulled out I explained the situation to my partner. He hit the lights and flew towards the exit. About 6 months later I had to go to a drug identification class sponsored by the FBI. Wouldn't you know it, the instructor looked very familiar to me. The first words out of his mouth were 'how long is your grandmother in for anyway?" I could only smile 4/4/08
One crappy story
July 1993. I was a rookie in a town outside of Dallas Texas. I was just through my training and on my own. I was the second man (even though I'm female) out and was the "back up car" I was sitting on our main road just watching traffic when my partner flew by, lights and sirens going and I mean he was flying. I jumped out behind him and hit my lights and floored the Old Chevy. I thought that I missed a hot call. I still had a little trouble hearing my number when we had 7 departments all on 1 frequency. Anyway, I wasn't going to let on that I was in the dark. I figured if my partner was running wide open, I should too. I saw him kill the lights as we entered a neighborhood, so I did the same. My partner even turned off his headlights as we turned on another road…I did the same. He pulled into the drive and I saw him exit the car running. I stopped, cleared leather and ran towards the house that he had bolted into. The door was open so I entered and walked in…just in time to see my partner sit on the toilet. I guess the Mexican was just to much for him. I left out the name and the Department because I promised that I would. I don't want my butt kicked
4/3/08
He was just looking for a friend
A playful deer cost Timothy Sterling some dough. Sterling,30, had to pay $200 bond to get out of jail in Big Rapids, Michigan, after being arrested on an old traffic warrant by a sheriff's deputy who saw him hitchhiking with what appeared to be a huge dog. "It wasn't until I got almost on top of them that I saw that it was a deer," said Deputy Lance Workman. "Almost joking-like, I asked him for the name of his buddy," Workman said. "The guy didn't even know that the deer was there. He was totally surprised." As Workman arrested Sterling-who was wanted in Isabella County-"the deer started nudging me in the back," Workman said. Workman turned on the spotlights and siren of his patrol car, even fired shots over it's head, but the deer wouldn't leave. Gary Lenon, another deputy, lassoed the deer,but when he tried to lead it back into the woods, "all heck broke loose,"Workman said."Gary was being dragged around and knocked down,"Workman said. The deer eventually strolled into the woods unescorted. The suspect said, "Despite the situation I was in, all I could do was laugh.".....Detroit Free press...January 1990.
ROCKS IN HIS HEAD
When I first became an officer 5 years ago, I must admit it went to my head. The "badge chasers" were great. It only cost me a marriage. I used to live for the power of the traffic stop and the arrest but most of all was the ego trip from the girls. One night I was getting lucky in the back of the cruiser at the local park when the door shut. I knew that I was in trouble as the car had a cage and the doors, of course, wouldn't open from the back seat. After a few attempts, I kicked out the window and we got out. I sent the girl to her car and in a panic, called the Chief at home. I asked him to come to the park right away. He arrived with the Mayor. (Small town and they were friends) I explained that I stopped in the park and went on foot to the ball field dugout explaining that I saw some people there. I heard a crash and came back to the car to find a rock had been thrown through the back window. In reality I had laid the rock in the back seat to make my story believable. The Chief and the Mayor went in his car and drove around looking for the suspects as I did in my cruiser. After about five minutes, the Chief pulled off the road as I approached and got out of his car. He walked up to my window, leaving the Mayor in his car and said "I'm going home now…next time throw some glass inside the car. Who was she anyway…DUMB ASS??
FAMILY AFFAIR?
I owned a Private Eye business years ago. I did a few small jobs, ran some backgrounds, did a few locates, just enough to keep my head above water. Finally I got one. The cheating spouse case you could usually just dream of. The husband made it clear that money was no object and that he wanted his wife followed no matter what. He produced her photo and address and wanted me to start the next day in the am since he would be gone for 2 weeks on business. He knew that his unfaithful spouse would be "busy" while he was gone. You have to remember, this was before the internet and immediate access to data. With the information that I needed and check in hand, I got started. I went to their house early in the morning, and saw my "target" coming out almost 5 minutes after I arrived. I followed her for days logging the times and where she was. Finally after nearly a week, she met a man at a local restaurant. They sat together hugging and kissing as I proudly took pictures. They left the restaurant and went back to her house and spent over two hours inside together. I'm sure that I had a pretty good idea what they were up to. I got great pictures of them going in and out. They left together and went back to the restaurant when she dropped him off. I decided that I needed to figure out who he was so I got out of the car to tail him. He went to a parking lot and got into his car. I got the plate to give to a cop friend that would run it for me later. The loving couple met three more times in that second week and it was the same routine. I learned who the guy was and he was cheating too. He was a married man with three kids. Anyway, my client returned and I gave him the complete story. He thanked me, wrote me another check for the balance…plus a bonus for the great job that I did. He called me a few days later wanting to know if I could bail him out of jail. He had apparently had an argument with his wife over an unrelated matter and lost it, striking her and knocking her to the ground. The issue of the affair and its evidence hadn't even come up yet. As he was such a good client I went in and bailed him out. As we walked to my car, his wife was walking towards us with a packet in hand. As we got closer it became apparent to me that is was the case file on her devilish ways. Without as much as a hello she yelled at her husband "Why do you have pictures of Veronica (named changed) with some guy?" I came to learn that my clients "wife" that I had been following for nearly two weeks, was actually her twin sister. She would come over to spend time with my client's wife every time he was away on trips. No one told him because Veronica was not liked by my client. and he wouldn't have approved of her being in his house. Even though she was in her 20's, she still lived with her controlling parents. Was my client's wife cheating? Who was really with the married man? Who knows? I made a lot of money those two weeks and learned a valuable lesson. ASK ABOUT A TWIN!!! I just thank God he didn't kill her over it
Posted 4/01/2008
Private Investigator
Sweet Dreams
No one has ever slept on midnight turn, right? I have to admit that I did…ah, once. I work for a same town and we have one officer on per shift. The neighboring Borough is the same. One officer per shift. We back each other up when we get calls but mostly it's quiet, peaceful and well….dead. Whoever is working midnight for both Departments would get together for a coffee and then go hide and shoot the breeze. One night I met up with…let's call him Tony (You know who you are) and we pulled our cars side by side at an old warehouse. They have a dock with 2 spaces and it's well hidden since in drops down towards the loading dock and has concrete on both sides. We fell asleep while talking…for the first time. When I woke up, I looked straight ahead to see my Chief standing there starring at me. He was out of his car and just glaring towards us. Tony's Chief was doing the same thing to him from the loading dock. Both big dogs walked to their cars and pulled away. Tony was just cussing and holding his head down. He knew that he was in deep trouble. No Chief ever slept on midnight. (right…) I went back to the station and met with the Chief. Tony got written up and suspended for three days without pay. As for me, the story goes that I got the a**chewing of the year. In reality, my Chief and I laughed like crazy at what we knew was going to be Tony's punishment. You see, the Chief and I were officers together for years. We patrolled together back when the township could afford to pay 2 guys at night. Who do you think showed me that great spot anyway?
Posted 3/31/08
Law Enforcement
K-9 Man's Best Friend
Even though I have been retired for 6 years, I still love and miss the job. By far the funniest thing I ever saw in over 30 years of coppin' was the night our K-9 took his handler for a ride. We were just standing near to the local firehouse, myself, a skinny little officer named Doby and his dog Tank. Tank weighed nearly 100 pounds and Doby, his handler was about 120 pounds. Tank never chased a cat in 4 years that I saw him but that night was slow and we were just BS'in while Tank was supposed to be dropping Tank Bombs as Doby called them. All of a sudden, Tank heard and saw a cat. He just bolted with Doby holding his leash that he had wrapped around his wrist. It didn't take long for Doby to hit the ground and Tank kept dragging him. Doby yelled for him to stop in English, German, and probably 20 other languages that I couldn't understand. Tank finally stopped as Doby got wedged between two dumpsters and nearly had his arm pulled from his socket. I got to Doby as he was lying there near Tank. Doby looked up at Tank and called him a few choice names. Tank put his head down as He knew he was in trouble. He walked right over to his handler, looking to make up…and peed right on Doby's head. Luckily Doby wasn't hurt bad but to be honest, if he were dead, I probably still could not have controlled my laughter.
Posted 3/29/08
Law Enforcement
YOUR ADDRESS PLEASE?
I'm not a cop but my husband has been an officer for almost 20 years. I used to have to get up for work at 4:30 a.m. each morning. My husband usually worked from 6:00 p.m. until 2:00 a.m. each night so he'd get home around 3:00 a.m. Well, I got up at 4:30 in the morning dressed for the shower (if you know what I mean) and I heard my husband out in the living room. I figured I'd go say "Hi" to him before getting into the shower. As I walked into the living room I said, "Good morning..." and then I screamed so loud. You see, his other cop buddy was standing there in the living room talking to him. Who else has company at 4:30 in the morning??? Only cops, am I right? That was one of the most embarrassing moments of my life.
Posted 3/28/2008
Law Enforcement
SMART IDEA..OR WAS IT?
I was working in a medium size city in Florida a few years back. We got a call for a female that was in a wooded area behind a housing development. The caller told dispatch that she was drunk or stoned because she was yelling and screaming and was also very naked. Three officers arrived and quickly figured out that she was really a mess and was hallucinating. She was seeing spiders all around her and was just terrified. An officer who had more years on than I did decided to show myself and my rookie partner how to get this lady to a cruiser without actually touching her. He had her point out where the spiders were as we all walked towards the car. When she pointed to an area, he would use a baton type stun gun and "zap" the spider and yell "got em." This was working like a charm…for awhile. As we walked along my rookie partner and I were trying hard to remain professional and we were actually very impressed with the "seasoned" officer and the way he was handling this. Of course, that would all change. As the couple walked ahead of us, the escorting officer turned to look at us just as he walked into a spider web that was strung near a tree. We had all heard his story of being bit by a brown recluse spider and he had to show everyone the mark on his arm that was still darkened from its bite years later. As soon as he hit the web, he started flipping out, yelling "do you see it?? Is it on me?" The whole time he was waving his baton and hitting the button. It was a matter of a few seconds that he hit the wrong end of the baton and shocked the snot out of himself. He dropped to the ground yelling even louder and shaking. It took a while to get him to calm down. When he finally quieted down, the female looked over at me and the rookie and with a straight face said "I'm not going anywhere with that guy…he's f****** crazy! We couldn't help it, we had to laugh
Posted 3/28/08
Law enforcement
THE FIRST TIME
I knew where my career was going to lead from my very first DUI. I was on the road alone for the first time in a small town of 2,500 and I was looking to jump right in to the DUI arrests. I spotted him, weaving all over the road and finally stopping for a green light. I pulled him over right after the light turned red and we waited for the next green light for him to finally move. When I went up to the car, the smell of intoxicants was overwhelming. He had the classic blood shot eyes, slurred speech and it took him three times of passing his driver's license in his wallet to finally find it. I got him out of the car and began the field sobriety tests. The first one was the finger touch where you have them stand up with their eyes closed, arms extended, index fingers pointed away from their body and then the subject has to touch his index finger to the tip of the nose. It was up to the officer to tell the person which finger first so I went with the left. He brought his hand over and at full force, punched himself in the head. The blow nearly made him fall backwards. He caught himself just before he fell as I lunged towards him in an attempt to catch him. He looked at me and said "what the f*** did you hit me for? I was doin' it." Needless to say, he was my first DUI
Posted 3/27/08
Law enforcement
WHERE WAS ROBIN?
Being in law enforcement for over 20 years I have seen a lot of "stuff". The funniest had to be the night we met "Batman". It was funny, but not at the time. I worked in a department where we had 3 officers per shift as a minimum. One summer night, we got a call for a medical emergency at one of my fellow officers home while he was on duty working with me and a sergeant. We all flew there since dispatch advised that the officers wife had requested an ambulance. This was in the days before 911. We arrived to find the officers wife wearing only a night gown and a male lying on the floor in the bedroom wearing a batman shirt, cape and cowl...that was it. The sarge and I got between my fellow officer and his wife as the EMT's arrived and attended to the superhero. The story was, he jump up on the bed as they were fooling around and struck his head on the ceiling, which knocked him cold. When my friends soon to be ex-wife couldn't get him to come around, she called the ambulance. She was unaware that the ambulance services, which were commercial at the time, would call the police dispatch in suspicious circumstances where the complainant would not provide details as to how the injury occurred or what was going on. My partner took it well, his wife took some belongings and left with a friend. Sarge tried to talk my partner out of working the rest of his shift but he insisted. Not to let a chance to take a shot at another officer go by as we walked out of the house, Sarge looked at my partner and said "Hey, don't let it get you down...after all, he was Batman. You are just a cop. I thank God it wasn't Superman or we would have had all three of our butts kicked. It wasn't funny then, but we all laugh about it to this day.
Posted 3/26/2008
Law Enforcement
