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A man decided that he was going to ride a 10-speed bike from Pittsburgh to Philadelphia Pennsylvania.
He got as far as Altoona before the mountains became too much and he could go no farther. He stuck his thumb out to hitchhike, but after 3 hours hadn't gotten a single person to stop.
Finally, a guy in a Corvette pulled over and offered him a ride. Of course, the bike wouldn't fit in the car.
The owner of the Corvette found a piece of rope lying by the highway and tied it to his bumper. He tied the other end to the bike and told the man that if he was going too fast, to honk the horn on his bike and that he would slow down.
Everything went fine for the first 30 miles.
Suddenly, another Corvette blew past them. Not to be outdone, the Corvette pulling the bike took off after the other. A short distance down the road, the two Corvettes, both going well over 120 mph, blew through a speed trap. The police officer noted the speeds from his radar gun and radioed to the other officer that he had two Corvettes headed his way at 120 mph. He then relayed, "and you're not going to believe this, but there's a guy on a 10-speed bike honking to pass."
A woman saw an ad in the local newspaper which read: "Purebred Police Dog $10.00."
Thinking that to be a great bargain, she called and ordered the dog to be delivered.
The next day a van arrived at her home and delivered the mangiest-looking mongrel she had ever seen.
In a rage, she telephoned the man who had placed the ad, "How dare you call that mangy-mutt a purebred police dog?"
"Don't let his looks deceive you, ma'am," the man replied, "He's in the Secret Service."
The Alabama State Legislature has issued notices to all liquor stores that they have raised the minimum drinking age in that state to 32?
It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools!
A police officer pulls a man over for speeding. As the officer approaches the car he can see that the man is very anxious about something.
"Good afternoon Sir. Do you know why I stopped you?"
"Yes, officer... I know I was speeding--but it is a matter of life or death."
"Oh, really? How's that?"
"There's a naked woman waiting for me at home."
"I don't see how that is a matter of life or death."
"If I don't get home before my wife does, I'm a dead man."
A woman was walking down the street with her blouse open and her left breast hanging out.
A cop spotted her and walked up to her and said, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"
"But why, Officer?" she asked.
"Well ma'am, because your left breast is hanging out of your blouse," he replied.
She quickly looked down and exclaimed, "Oh my God, I left my baby on the bus!"
