Page of Police Cop, Security Guard, Fireman, Rescue, Private investigator jokes

HOT OLD COUPLE ON A FENCE

An elderly couple is enjoying an anniversary dinner together in a small tavern. The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind this tavern where you leaned against the fence and I made love to you."

"Yes," she says, "I remember it well."

"OK," he says, "How about taking a stroll 'round there again and we can do it for old time's sake."

"Oooooooh Henry, you devil, that sounds like a good idea," she answers.

There's a police officer sitting in the next booth listening to all this, and having a chuckle to himself. He thinks, 'I've got to see this...two old-timers going at it against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble.'

So he follows them.

They walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for support, aided by walking sticks. Finally they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt, takes her knickers down and the old man drops his trousers. She turns around and as she hangs on to the fence, the old man moves in. Suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the watching policeman has ever seen. They are bucking and jumping like eighteen-year-olds.

This goes on for about forty minutes! She's yelling, "Ohhhh, God!" He's hanging on to her hips for dear life. This is the most athletic sex imaginable. Finally, they both collapse panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed! He thinks he has learned something about life that he didn't know.

After about half and hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, still watching thinks, 'That was truly amazing, he was going like a train. I've got to ask him what his secret is. As the couple pass, he says to them, "That was something else, you must have been having sex for about forty minutes. How do you manage it? You must have had a fantastic life together. Is there some sort of secret?"

"No, there's no secret," the old man says, "fifty years ago that damn fence wasn't electric.

Exact Opposites

A police chief died and went to heaven.

When he got there he saw a long line waiting to get in to the pearly gates.

He told himself, "I am a police chief, I'm not going to wait in line."

He went to the angels guarding the gates and said, "Let me in, I'm a police chief."

The angels replied, "You'll have to wait in line like everyone else, sir."

While waiting at the back of the line he saw a cruiser pull up with red and blue lights flashing. A man got out wearing a gold badge that said "CHIEF." The angels popped to attention and let the chief enter heaven. The waiting police chief was really upset now and went to talk to the angels.

He asked, "Why did you let that police chief go through and not me?"

To which the angels replied, "You have it all backwards, sir. That's GOD, he just thinks he's a police chief."

WOW A Fire Dept. JOKE

It seems there was a woman who received some bad news. Her husband had been in an automobile accident and was brain dead. The doctor told her some good news, though. They had perfected their brain transplant technique and that she was lucky there were three fresh brains in the brain bank from which to choose.

A large explosion had killed a firefighter, a captain and a chief. Having insurance, she requested the cost for each of the brains. The firefighter's brain was $10,000, the captain's brain was $50,000 and the chief was a MILLION DOLLARS! Curious, she asked why the chief's brain was so much more expensive.

The reply.... you see the chief's brain has never been used!

THE DRUNK WOMAN

Two police officers saw this old woman staggering down the street, stopping her they can tell she has had far too much to drink and instead of taking her to jail they decide to just drive her home.

They loaded her into the police cruiser and one of the officers gets in the back with the drunk woman. As they drove through the streets they kept asking the woman where she lived, all she would say as she stroked the officers arm is, "Your Passionate."

They drove a while longer and asked again, again the same response as she stroked his arm "Your Passionate".

The officers were getting a little upset so they stopped the car and said to the woman, Look we have driven around this City for two hours and you still haven't told us where you live.

She replied, I keep trying to tell you: "Your Passin' It!"