The Cops’ Criminal Christmas Tale
by
Jon Hughes
‘Twas the night before Christmas
And all through my beat
The stop lights were blinking as I drove through the streets
My radio sputtered with this and with that
Nothing really important, just random chit-chat
I turned down a neighborhood street to the right,
The houses there glowing with bright Christmas lights
All of a sudden, I saw from afar
A dark house ahead, with the front door ajar
This seemed rather strange, I’m sure you’d agree
At two in the morning, and on Christmas Eve
I doubted the residents left it that way
Why people could enter, anyone, who could say?
A vehicle seemed out of place there as well,
A van was backed up to the front, I could tell
This house, I decided, needed investigation.
I turned off my lights, radioed my location
The dispatcher answered, sounding quite glum
Hey, nobody says working Christmas is fun
Oh-ho and oh-my, I said to myself
This person’s suspicious, I doubt he’s an elf.
He seemed not to notice my unlighted car
He tiptoed to the van, creeping through the front yard
The thief was a greedy one, sure of himself.
He returned to the house to get something else
I picked up my microphone, then pressed the key
A crime was in progress, I said urgently
No sooner had I finished my sentence
When the thief had returned with an armload of presents
His efforts were thwarted, much to his surprise
Because just then three other units arrived
The gentleman must have remembered a date
For he suddenly dropped all the items with haste
A mad dash he did make, to the back of the house
Leaving gifts, a TV, a computer with mouse.
“Freeze” I shouted, and jumped out of the car
We all ran to catch him, he wouldn’t get far
Over a fence, and under a tree
The guy ran like the wind, he really was fleet
Though we chased him quite swiftly
He managed to hide,
A perimeter, though, would keep him inside
The search did require some effort that night
Patrol cars and dogs, a chopper’s spotlight
It seemed, after hours, that the thief had escaped
Where did he hide, how could he evade?
It seemed to be pointless to prolong the search
And orders were given: “Prepare to Disperse”
When all of a sudden, the radio barked
An officer saw something move in the dark.
The last yard to be checked had yielded the fiend,
He ran once again, and quite tired he seemed
But his flight was delayed, he yelled and he jumped
A police dog had suddenly bitten his rump!
Wildly he danced, as the dog clung on tightly
He fell to the ground, looking pained and unsightly
Highly trained was the dog, not a commonplace mutt
And those sharp teeth just would not release from his butt
Shortly arrived the dog’s officer master
The thief’s efforts had ended in painful disaster
How funny, I thought, that his Christmas Eve
Would not end quite like the one he had conceived
His face looked so glum, his eyes full of fear
Paramedics soon showed up to bandage his rear.
No stockings, no eggnog out on the veranda
Instead he’ll be read all his rights per Miranda
No furry reindeer to bring Santa’s presents
His Christmas will smell of police K-9 essence
Hard silver bracelets and a little cold room
are his comforts tonight as his punishment looms
The judge, I am sure, will look on him with loathing
And in prison he’ll wear some bright orange clothing
Though he may return soon to pilfer more places
(The system sometimes doesn’t work in these cases),
I’ll sleep well tonight knowing he’s in such trouble
In prison, he just might end up sleeping double!
And a family’s Christmas, though smeared with badness,
Can still be enjoyed with presents and gladness
So listen, you vile, contemptible felons
You larcenist, miscreants, perverts and villains
Christmas is Holy, it’s full of good cheer
And many fine things that you criminals sneer
Stay away from the neighborhoods that we patrol
If not, it’s our flashing blue lights you’ll behold
We’ll put you in jail, an object of scorn
When the cell door slams shut, recollect, you were warned…
A Safe Christmas to All
Large selection of cop, trooper, firefighter,E.M.T, and private eye T-shirts, bumper stickers, mugs & more!
Thousands to choose from!
Funny Cop Jokes, Cop Stories. Stories and jokes about Police, Firefighters, Rescue Personnel and Private Investigators. Funny Cop Pictures, Pictures of Police Cars, K-9 Units, Fire Departments and Rescue Vehicles. Funny Cop Videos, police tee shirts, gear and more
This website was made to gather as many funny cop stories, jokes and videos as possible. We hope that we can make you laugh, or at least get a chuckle or a smile. I always believed that a sense of humor can get you through some of the roughest times and with all of the serious things going on in life, a little fun and games, joking around and laughter can go a long way. We hope you enjoy our jokes, humorous stories, hilarious pictures and funny videos as much as we have.
Home Loan Mortgage Information www.home-financing-now.com Home Loan Rates, Calculators.Free home mortgage worksheet to download
Free Car Insurance Quotes www.easyautoinsurancefinder.com Free Car Auto Insurance Quotes Online.Are you paying too much? Find outfor free
www.bannittsbarn.com Find a local Doctor. Things to look for when picking a doctor. Local Doctor search
http://www.thedoityourselfdetective.com/index Learn how to do your own investigation from a professional private investigator
Find restaurant coupons www.usarestaurantcoupons.com Save money on eating out with free restaurant coupons
Help Support Funnycopblog.com. Visit our sponsors websites below.
Navigate Here>>>>
